5 Steps to Healing from a Narcissistic or Toxic Relationship

5 Steps to Healing from a Narcissistic or Toxic Relationship with a Manipulative Person Who Has Betrayed You

1. No or Low Contact
   The first step is creating space. For many women I work with, they know deep down that staying in the relationship is bad for them—but letting go isn’t easy. It’s painful, confusing, and often feels like an emotional tug-of-war. So, if this doesn’t resonate with you yet, you might want to scroll on. But here’s the thing: No or low contact is essential for healing. This isn’t just about not talking to them—it means no social media checking, no conversations through mutual friends, and no constant emotional back-and-forth. Why? Because the more you engage, the harder it is for your nervous system to regulate. The goal is to create a safe emotional space where you can heal, without the constant pull of the toxic energy.

2. Identification
   Next, you need to identify what made the relationship toxic or abusive. Sometimes this is clear-cut—gaslighting, manipulation, betrayal—but other times, it’s more subtle. Identification means really looking at the behaviors that were harmful: What were the patterns of abuse, manipulation, and control? What was it about your ex that triggered you, and what was it about the relationship that you kept tolerating? This is key for understanding what you’ve been through, and it helps you start to break free from the emotional fog that often clouds your judgment.

3. Getting Into Your Body
   Trauma doesn’t just live in your head—it’s carried in your body. This is where your nervous system, mind, and body are interconnected. After being in a toxic relationship, you may notice that your body is constantly on high alert—tight shoulders, clenched jaw, shallow breathing. This is your fight-or-flight response kicking in, even when you're no longer in the relationship. Getting into your body—through mindful practices like yoga, breathwork, or even just gentle movement—helps you release tension and start the process of somatic healing. It’s about reconnecting with your body, learning to feel safe in it again, and allowing yourself to let go of the trauma stored there.

4. Resolving Repetition Compulsion (Or Preventing It)
   One of the biggest challenges after leaving a toxic relationship is the fear of repeating the same patterns in the future. Repetition compulsion is when we unknowingly keep choosing the same unhealthy dynamics or partners, even after we’ve experienced trauma. The key to healing here is awareness—becoming conscious of these patterns and learning how to break them. It’s not enough to just recognize the past; you have to actively work to make different choices moving forward. This step is about stopping the cycle, and knowing what healthy relationships and boundaries look like.

5. Resolving Your Own Toxic Patterns
   It’s essential to own your own part in the relationship dynamics. Did you fall into people-pleasing? Conflict avoidance? Did you ignore your own boundaries, thinking you could fix or manage their behavior? These are things that you may have brought into the relationship, or they may have been learned as a result of it. Identifying these toxic patterns within yourself is crucial for breaking free from them. Start by setting clear boundaries that reflect your values and integrity. This process helps you build back your self-respect, and reinforces that you are worthy of healthy, loving relationships.

6. Nurturing a New Identity
   This step is about reclaiming yourself. After being in a narcissistic or toxic relationship, it’s easy to lose sight of who you really are, especially if you’ve been in survival mode for so long. Nurturing a new identity means rediscovering your passions, your desires, and your sense of purpose. You may have to rebuild confidence and self-worth, but that’s okay—this is a process, and it is where most women get stuck relying on narcissism research years after the relationship ended.  You are no longer defined by the toxic relationship, but by your growth, your strength, and your capacity to heal. This is where you get to dream again, set new goals, and move forward, building a life that is rooted in your authentic self.

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